We ALL are really, REALLY "good" liars!

If I were to write only about the good, well then what aid or good would it really be… Not just to me but to anyone really. What if writers everywhere did this?! I am being some what silly here but not 100% goofy. Some writers write only positive outlooks, happy endings, and fluffy things. In our ethical stupidity we as a society have purchased some of this garbage in an attempt to exchange those gaps of hopelessness, but then only receive shallow and humanist wisdom. If you do not entirely understand what I mean then may I suggest that you watch the movie Yes Man with Jim Carey. Now let me apologize for that suggestion as my memory is recalling some totes inapprops scenes, but if you have seen the movie then yes you get where I am kind of drifting with this thought. So, if life were really just a series of fairy tale endings then how could I or we learn to enjoy the journey?

 

 

Simply put, if I were to merely talk about how wonderful and fantastic my life was then would you question your own life and compare? Let’s be realistic here…when people talk about only the good things in their lives, what are they hiding from? Are they hiding from you thinking less of them and their best, or are they worried that you will reject them if you know about some of their ugliness and short comings? That though is a whole other rabbit trail, (insert ADD notes here ;)

 

 

Comparison kills, it kills you from the inside and it works to smack the people down around you. Frankly I hate comparison and do not completely understand it. Comparison is more or less saying, God you gave me the wrong life! The analogy in my mind is that of the short stick or unlucky lot. Basically telling God, you see that guy or gal over there got the good life, trade my life with theirs; it sounds fair and reasonable right? Wrong. God I demand that you do it because I choose to not be content and choose to focus on my lack and the prosperity of others. Well that is a disturbing way of viewing it but it happens even if never said out loud. It is instead said in our actions, comments and jealous and coveting behaviors. Yuck.  

 

There are things I may admire about another person and their life or their abilities and so forth but to covet their life, yikes! Well that good sir or madam is a tight rope I do not want to walk on or wish to attempt to. A close friend of mine once told me this, “I have purposed in my heart to celebrate with the people I care about in my life, regardless of the season I am walking in”. What they mean is this; in any season, in lack or need, or want I have decided to be joyful, content and celebrate my life and those who are in it, come hell or high water! Sometimes we sink and sometimes we swim. I for one do not want to be floating around on a blown up kids gator and grasping on and barely able to float. It is not comfortable for me and it sure is not comfortable for anyone else to have to watch. It really is just a ridiculous idea and image.

 

Ok so here is the truth, at times we ALL are really, really “good” liars! As always insert, GASP!

I do not want to ever be a really good liar, ever. I also do not ever want you (people in general) to think that I am a liar, but at the end of the day it may happen and I need to learn not to care so much about what people think of me. My unfiltered thought is just that though; I can run dangerously close to being a really good liar, if I permit it. Let me explain what I mean. I will ask you a few questions and if you answer yes to any of them then you are similar to me, human and at times flawed. Join the club and get over it, PS they make a bumper sticker for that, ok maybe? Here are my questions; do you enjoy it when people see the worst qualities in you and disapprove? Do you ever find it difficult to admit when you are in denial? Have you ever struggled with being vulnerable with even those closer to you; such as closest friends and family? Yep I do.

If you answered no to all of those then congratulations you are doing a superb job of being a really, really “good” liar. Honest thought here, it is hard at times to show people the ugly stuff in your life and wonder if they will reject you for it. It is much harder to put up a front and act like everything is totally ok when your world is blowing up and crashing down all at the same time. Of course I do not necessarily mean literally as it could be an emotionally feeling or a figure of speech. I have written about this before, that feelings are not truth. For example I could feel like the sky is going to fall but the truth and reality is that more then likely that will not happen. If your “sky” falling really does happen then maybe it is the end of the world but more then likely maybe it is just God’s way of saying, “Enough! Something had to give.”

 

I make mistakes, all the time and yes sadly I will continue to make heaps of them for the rest of my life until the good Lord takes me to my real home. With fairy tale endings, yes I long for mine and I desire certain things and dream of others. I will not be controlled by them though. Being vulnerable here I must say that I have struggled with this a lot in the past few months and even the last year. It is me learning to continually lay things down, time after time again. It is me saying God you know best and I trust that you will take care of the rest and lead me in this journey. I am the extreme A type of personality that wants to do everything and at times please everyone but it is not possible. It is a breath of fresh air to be reminded of that though. Also comforting to have God tell me it will all be ok even when I feel like I have screwed up massively and yet do not know entirely why, how or what to do.

Yes I have had a good share of hardships, heartbreaks, difficulties, and what haves, we all do and will. Here is the silver lining life goes on, and on, and on. I get chance, after undeserved chance to do something about it and do things more then just differently. I get to receive mercy and grace daily and to me this is Gods loving reminder of being grateful for my life. Not because some one tells me I have to be, but because I feel grateful and have purposed in my heart to be grateful.

 

I am rambling slightly but what I have been reflecting on very recently is that it is ok that lately I have not “felt” ok as that does not actually translate into the fact that I will not be ok. My life is my life, it is a journey, no one else’s and as silly as it may sound I needed God to remind me of all of that. I needed him to poke at my heart and say, do not turn to stone, do not freeze. It is ok to feel and feelings are good but when it is all said and done I am responsible for what I do with how I feel and how I act or react. In saying all that lately I have not done the best job in that department but I am working on it. I have other thoughts but these are conversations between me and my maker, the good, thought provoking and encouraging type.

 

Tomorrow is my birthday and as I reflect on another year passing I can not help but think that although I am not where I may physically want to be I am precisely where I should be.