If it is easy will it really please me?
Just a few thoughts that come to my mind as I shuffle through a couple of days that have felt like a whirlwind of hope & excitement and then were followed by the crashing of the seas against the rock cliffs.
Do I jump? Do I run? Do I sink or do I swim?
Or do I wait, trust God and run to Him for EVERYTHING! The last few months have been what seem like flashes of some of the things I have dreamed about (a bunch of different things, some unhealthy and some God given desires) and then a bunch of no's and closed doors. Sometimes these doors have felt slammed shut to top it off.
Once again I want what is of God, what's hard, difficult, not easy. Not what feels ok and looks good to my flesh. I want the things of God even more then the comfort of my own flesh.
In one of my fave songs some of the lyrics are:
Here is my heart you can have it all.
That means not just bits and pieces for me to surrender but all of it.
ALL OF ME FOR ALL OF HIM.
I AM ON THE EDGE
SITTING FROM THESE CLIFF TOPS AND THEN DIVING IN
SWINGING ON THAT FARM BENCH
RUNNING THROUGH A THOUSAND FIELDS FULL OF MYSTERY
WHY DOES MY HEART WANT TO RUN FARTHER AWAY BUT ALSO WANT TO STAY
LET ME IN, DON'T LET ME GO
TAKE ME DEEPER JUST SO MY HEART CAN KNOW THEE
JUST SO I CAN FEEL YOUR HEART ALIVE IN MINE
JUST TO KNOW THAT IT IS YOU WHO TRULY HOLDS ME
If the only thing in this world that was really real was you, would that be enough?
Would that be ok for me to say...
James 1:6
But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
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