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Remember when you were a kid and you looked forward to
special days like Christmas, your birthday or a family vacation. For me these
were not always my favorite days but that’s not what I am getting at here in
this analogy.
Do you ever remember waiting for something with excitement
and anticipation in your heart and then when you were about to unveil said gift
you wondered is this really what I think it is? Is this really that kool, you fill
in the blank here people….and in that moment you hesitated, you pondered if
this gift was really the gift you wanted all along. Of course as kids our
mentality is limited to that of a selfish two year old that is ready at a moment’s
notice to announce to the world how we have just faced some unbearable justice.
An example of this would be when mom says no to our demands for that toy we don’t
even need and we react by having a freak out in the toy isle. With this
thought in mind do we do this with God in our adulthood when a gift from Him
looks differently than we thought it should look?
I have been thinking about this as I have been reflecting on
a bunch of stuff that God has been downloading to me and showing me. It really
is sick how we (I point at myself here as well as I am not oblivious to that
big old plank) pray for God to move and do various things in our lives and then
in the next moment are inclined, and even feel justified to try and rebuke God?
Do we argue with him and in doing so state that He should not be in control of
our lives. Clearly I know what is best, right? Wrong.
What I know is that at times I am ridiculously and selfishly
motivated by how I think things should look and play out. Thank God that his
playbook is far better than mine, as my moves suck big time. It is like at
times I think hey maybe this round of chess I can outwit God of the Universe or
make a better move than He can. Wrong again and quite funny. Derp...(yes I just
used derp in my blog, get over it).
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My life for sure looks differently than I thought it would.
I thought I would be married with a few kids by now and have a stable career. However,
in regards to my analogy about expecting one thing and getting something
different I can say this is true for my life in so many areas. To put it into
context better, it is like guessing that God is going to do one thing and He
instead does something completely different. Not always different in the sense
of hey I know your praying for a job but instead I am not going to bless you
with a job. Why that would be taking what I am saying out of context. Different
as in the form or the package, what I call the delivery of the promise. Does
this mean that He is no longer a good and loving God and does not want to bless
you? Absolutely not. Perhaps instead let me offend you by asking the question
of does this mean that you instead need to restructure some of your attitudes,
and even what you believe about some things? May a suggest looking at what Gods
word says about it or praying about something before concluding that it is a
good idea. There are a lot of good ideas out there but I for one do not want to
build my life upon them. 
I was speaking fairly recently to someone about relationships.
This is when they mentioned some of the things they were wanting in regards to
their future spouse. I remember being deeply offended (for a few reasons, but I am only touching on one of them) by some of what they said
and almost feeling a sadness in my heart. I felt sad that they were so set in
their thinking of what they thought would be best for them that they were not
even open to the idea (see previous paragraph about good ideas) of something
different than what they had already pre-decided. Hear me here as I am not
saying not to pray for a Godly wife or husband. What I am referring to is more
along the lines of different preferences and not being open to the idea of something other than those. Don’t go too far the other way and
think oh no Gods not going to bless me with a spouse that I get along with or
that I am attracted to, nope He doesn’t operate that way.
What I am really getting at here is what gives me the right
in my own life to pre-plan and lay out the things in my life that I am praying
for God to ordain? I have no right and it is extremely contradictory if you
stop and really start to think about it from an unbiased viewpoint. Stop for a
minute and remove, or at least try to remove some of the anticipation surrounding the waiting process like say that of a relationship. Stop and ask God
hey is what I want not necessarily wrong but distorted from what you are trying
so hard to show me and in return give to me for my life. Is what I want to look so different than what I first thought?
It is what we do with it that makes it a sin or not in our
lives, do we allow something to dictate our lives to the point where things
become relative? I for one hope not! I hope that my life is continually being
refined by Him, not what I want and how I think something should look because it looks good in my corrupted mindset without Gods truth about the matter . Does
this mean I am perfect? Yep….not perfect at all. So what if my life looks so different than I thought? If God is in it than I really don’t care. What I do care about is my response in the in between. My response to whatever process he has me in while working on the stuff in my heart. If I am going to try and control anything in my life I think that would be one area to work one. How I respond instead of trying to control in a moment when something looks so different.
One story I am reminded of while writing this blog is in 1
Samuel 22-24 when David is fleeing from Saul. I am sure David thought wow this
sure looks a lot different than I thought it would. We read about how it was far from a good time or what David had probably thought would happen but we also see that God was with Him where ever he went. Lord grant me a heart like that of David.
Daniel 10:12
Numbers 14:24
