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Frustrated, Angry, and on edge….Yep those are the words that definitely could be used to describe how I felt tonight and how I have been feeling the last few weeks.
I am sure no one else has ever had this happen (Not…)
but I felt pushed over said edge by something that in comparison to the other
things in my life (the things that I have been processing and working through
lately), well it was just silly to say the least. Oh how that dog Devil loves
to try and mess with our heads when we aren’t necessarily thinking super clear
or at our best.
So tonight I came home and when I felt at my worst I literally
decided to run. My initial reaction to run was out of insecurity and frustration,
then anger and then peace. Ok so I am somewhat confusing, yes I know this. When
I was running I brought along my phone to listen to worship music. I normally will
listen to one, maybe two songs over and over when I am frustrated or feeling
stuck. It is usually a song that I feel is either speaking to my spirit, or
speaking faith into my heart. The last two days I have found myself listening
to the song My Soul Longs For You- Come Away by Jesus Culture and tonight I realized
the words “You’ll come like the rain….and My Soul Longs For You are so
prophetic over my life for the season I am in.
The words, “You’ll come like the rain” remind me of
when we activate our faith for something that is unseen. We can see the signs;
feel the coolness in the air, watch the clouds darken and roll over the valley,
and eventually watch the rain pour down. Our faith in Christ is similar to this,
we can see the signs that He is working and doing something behind the scenes
(note that we often can miss this or only partially see it but I think it is so
profound when we can feel it and know that it is there in our hearts even when we don’t “see”
it in the physical and natural sense). We can feel the Holy Spirit moving, and we
can certainly see the storm clouds come, and sometimes they pour.
It is not simply about seeing it. What I mean is not
just seeing or observing something that is obvious but seeing past and through
the obvious and seeing faith, believing for more than the rain. Believing for
more than to just get through the storm. What does rain bring in the natural?
It brings life, healing, growth, fruit; it works to produce something under the
surface of what is seen, in a spiritual sense it works in us to activate our Faith
and thus; in return stirs to produce HOPE for our own lives and for the lives of
others.
So when I sing the words, “My soul longs for you, my
soul longs for you, nothing else will do….I believe you will come like the
rain, I believe you will come like the rain….” What I am really doing is
engaging and activating my soul & heart to be aligned with what God is
doing under the surface of my life and the lives of the people I love that I am
standing in prayer for. I am petitioning the gates of heaven for what I know
the rain will bring; growth, healing, fruit and even asking for better then
what I think the rain can bring. In the process of it all I am stirring my faith and
remaining hopeful.
Like I had said I was running. As I ran- I ran in
anger, I ran in frustration, I ran in confusion, and in the end I ran to my
Heavenly Father, into his arms of comfort and peace. I don’t have all the
answers to all the questions I may want answers for but I know that God will always
come and meet me where I am at in a moment. I am thankful that He brings his
Holy Spirit to rest peace upon me and that like many who have tried before me I
cannot out run God.
Psalm 27: 13-14
I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of
the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
When I write, when I sing, when I proclaim praises to
my king my weary soul can find rest, it is as if time stops and the universe
stands still. Nothing else seems to matter. It is just God and I and everything
fades away, nothing matters, not the good and not the bad. This is where I find
rest for my soul.
